Bring Date Night back by Ignoring the Mom Guilt

The nights are longer and the kids might be away at grandmas for summer vacation. So why not take advantage of the extra daylight and head out for a romantic summer date. Enjoy your honey over drinks in a cozy lounge or a warm summer sunset by the water.  As easy as that may sound to some of us.  Date night can be really difficult when you are a new parent, a new mom, a mom of five or two, working mom, stay at home, or women because you are probably carrying around MOM GUILT.    I am writing this to share with you why ignoring MOM GUILT  once in a while will allow you to enjoy date night more.

Date night has always been our favorite thing to do, as a couple.  Dressed up or dressed down we enjoy discovering new restaurants or a hole in the wall favorite.  However, in those first couples of years of being new parents, date night was not even a thought.  There was this one time we venture out for a few hours to a local restaurant Southern Swank.  About a month after our son’s birth to celebrate my husband birthday.  My mom guilt was on full blast however I didn’t express it or show it at the time because I wanted to be brave.  I didn’t want anyone to know how scared I was about going out without him, about leaving him at home, about how self-conscious I was about my still swollen belly and chubby cheeks.  Regardless I got a little dressed up I even smiled for a photo before heading out.  But my MOM GUILT loomed over my head like a dark cloud.  So many unhealthy thoughts ran through my my mind as to why I was “bad” mom for leaving him. It made it so hard to concentrate or to enjoy the evening. After that date night, my mom guilt grew, I went back to work and it became harder to find the time or make plans to go out together.  A year after returning to work I made the decision to become a stay at home mom.

As a stay at home mom, my days were long and lonely.   I missed the adult conversations I use to have with co-workers.  Mostly, I missed the time that my husband and I spent together.  I began to realize how much we needed it, how much I needed that time with him.  To be completely honest ladies mom guilt mixed with postpartum anxiety, and loneliness made me feel like less of a human so many days. I want you to know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE.  It’s okay to feel the mom guilt, to feel the anxiety, sadness, loneliness even.  It’s okay to say you need a little help.  All of those things I was holding onto inside began to show in our relationship as a couple, that’s when I made a conscious decision to begin to ignore my mom guilt.  I realized that feeling guilty about what I could not control was really a waste of my time.

I began to see how beneficial the one on one is for our relationship.  During this time we get to reconnect and have an uninterrupted conversation, even if it is about the kids, we can finish our thoughts and sentences. It is crucial as parents that we take this small amount of time together we have with our life partners to appreciate them. It’s not just a date to a restaurant it’s an hour or so of time that you and your spouse need to be amazing parents when you get back to those little. I encourage you to ignore the mom guilt when you ask grandma to babysit and if grandma hesitates to ignore that too. I promise you that even she will appreciate spending the time with her grandkids.  Mom gives yourself some slack you deserve a break and some time alone with your partner.  The kids will be on their best behavior with grandma or the babysitter. I hear it all the time with my own kids, that they well behaved and are amazing, and they are I am raising them after all, they just are comfortable enough around me to act the fool. So we as moms feel like our kids will nag or whine with strangers the same way they do with us, guess what they really don’t.  Everything you have taught them, all the please and thank you’s; you have made sure they repeat after you.  Those little humans remember them and they put them to good use with grandma/babysitter.

I encourage you ladies pick a restaurant, activity or movie, actually, anything counts really even a nap in the car holding hands counts as a date.  Pick up the phone call grandma, the babysitter and go out.

So moms, tell me about your mom guilt and if you are also ignoring it?  Or how you and your spouse make time for each other.